duminică, 23 octombrie 2011

Turkish men( II) or why I cannot date in Turkey

Okey, maybe I overreacted, I am sure there are other cathegories of men rather than the ones mentioned in the post below, I just don't meet them or if I do, they don't like me.

I've got these 2 collegues in the Globalization class, they are cute-both of them-different kind of cuteness-one is hot and well-built and sexy, the other one more delicate. I like delicate men but this time prolly due to my overpheromones I feel attracted f the first one. I look at his lips and imagine them on different places of my body.

Anyway, I don't get anything of turkish men, really-they are so different than anything I know.

I have this friend, he cooks for me and doesn't let me touch anything else, he's acting up like I'm some sort of princess, picks me up with his car and brings me necklaces as travelling souvenirs but I have also this other friend who invites me in his home to cook for him and he's trying totally diferent approach.

I'd rather leave them both wonder for me as....

sâmbătă, 15 octombrie 2011

Turkish men(I)

Sakarya, Turkey.
Only one month here and so many glamorous stuff on the list. I like it, it's a new page, so different than everything I knew. It's what I call glamkitsch, oriental glitterpunk. Some things don't make sense and some are as if from another world for me but nothing is boring as far as I'm concerned. One reason or another I refuse to get mad, I discovered a little Buddha whispering all the time:you are calm, you are calm, you are happy or at least try to be, you got no choice.Sarcastic Buddha, forgot to mention.

Getting back to dating in Turkey. Ah!

I had some encounters, I must say. I got bored. I meet the extremes- either pure virgins or horny assholes. I don;t mind actually, as long as I'm safe. Sometimes I am.

Turkish men pay for girls, that's hw they brand themselves. They pay more than in other european cities, I mean sometimes they pay your bus. So if they pay for you it doesn't mean they court you or that you have to give them smth in exchange, they mean you are seen as a woman, as vulnerable, as a child a parent has to pay for. I call it bad habits, some will call it sexism. They don's except anything in exchange but don't abuse your luck and come here expecting fancy dinners in expensive restaurants, you might have to pay then. I might try it once, after my scholarship gets in.

Turkish men are extremes themselves-they are either short and thin or hot and gorgeous, ofc if you like the oriental style. I surely do. Off course, the gorgeous ones either like fake blondes or don't speak english.

Turkish men are a lot. I can smell their pheromones in the buses.They dizzy me up.

They mostly dress up like crap but I've seen the cutest green pullover on a guy plus cutest possible asses in Istanbul. Ah and cutest curls and blue eyes on a turkish man. Scary huh?

marți, 30 august 2011

I

No one ever told me my tits are gonna be bigger as I get more mature, that my blood and my temper would calm down as I become wiser or how should I say- more and more disgusted.


joi, 18 august 2011

A BIG GULP OF CONFUSsION

Here I am in one of those moments when you don't hear anything around you, you float and you suddenly realise you don't know shit about anything. You have no idea who you are, what's with all these things around you, why do you do gym, why do you keep diets, why do you date, what makes you not take a shot gun and kill everyone around you.

Ok, let's stop here.

As crawling my way to another country, eager for a change, eager to learn new things and have different experiences I realise I'm just a pussy who enjoys little things she does by herself in this space, this city, this country.

Something inside me is scared as shit and wants me to stay where I am, to enjoy my weekly goat milk, special oils, gym classes, the ice-cream in the corner heavily licked after 2 hours of gym on my way home, the red yummy melons down stairs and every little thing I did not notice before.

But oh how violently I will kill this voice, how I'll strangle it till it  dies inside me so I can reborn as this strong super-hero lady that I don't ever actually wanna be.

But what's really nice is that my view on men and relationships changes every day- one day I want a partnership, another day I feel I can do great without, depending on the chores to be done around the house:)

I forgot what's like to actually BE in a relationship, it became an alien thingy for me. They just don;t sell it on my planet or if they do, I can't afford it.


marți, 16 august 2011

MEN LIE!

Dears, here I am, getting ready for the one year turkish adventure.There, I'll study and grasp some culture on the way. Hopefully!

Meanwhile I decided not to give the benefit of a doubt to any men! They all fucking lie abt their performaces.

You know what?I'm just gonna laugh in their faces and they'd better like it, cuz I don''t give a fuck if they don't!

You know the issue?You got a friend for some time and rumbles about his performances in bed and you talk and talk for years and years and one day(more like night, more like after midnight, more like after tequilla, vodka, wine or beer or all of them) you kinda end up... THERE!

And you realise they can't do shit! I was smacked in the face three times in a row for the past month by this gloomy dissapointing discovery and frankly it makes me sick and ewwwww I am decided not to believe any "stud" from now on.

How I got dumped instead of jumped by 3 men in one month ...soon on a blog near you!

xoxo

sâmbătă, 23 iulie 2011

Scrisoare către Bogdan Coşa

Draga Bogdan,

Am cumpărat Poker pentru că poveştile mele puse pe hartie nu-s decât colaje fără finalitate şi mi-a ajuns pe la urechi total aiurea c-ai scris în 13 zile o carte şi m-am ofticat. Grav. Mi-a placut sentimentul ăsta, m-am simţit vie. Şi-am zis gata,  tre' să văd ce dracu a scris puştanu' asta în 13 zile!

Recunosc, fragmentele de pe net, citite sporadic mi s-au parut lame. Eram bucuroasa-n sinea mea şi-mi zicea-băi ce carte proasta, suna fix ca dracu'.

Aşa c-am luat cartea şi-am început s-o citesc şi nu m-am mai putut dezlipi şi m-am super enervat iar. M-am simtit mică, cu Robinson Crusoe în braţe.

Şi, cum citeam, mi-am dat seamă ca, of, îmi cam placea- aşa, fix în felul ăla în care manânci o super prajitură sau o super chestie aşa, super mustoasă şi super buna şi stii că-i plină de rahaturi da' iţi place şi n-o lasi din mana. Comfort food.

Carte de consum, îmi ziceam. E foarte drăguţ ca oamenii să-şi dorească să citeasca şi să manânce şi junk-food din cand in cand, chiar dacă te-ngraşă sau ai senzaţia că mănâci „sârmă şi pietre”. Mi se pare genial orice reuşeste să prinda mulţimile. Mă fascinează ce anume ajunge să prindă la mase, ce devine "consumabil", e un pattern care-mi scapa(besides ieftin, rapid&all the clichee).

Revenind. Cartea ta a călătorit pâna-n Istanbul şi-napoi. A stat în mana mea prin aeroport, am foşgăit-o pe stradă, mergeam citind şi sincer, nu pricepeam ce-mi susţine setea aia să vad ce-i cu Tudor, care-i faza, ce se mai întâmplă. A intrat prin moschei, subterane şi bucatării felurite. S-au uitat toţi la ea, au deschis-o, au închis-o la loc m-au întrebat cu ce e. Cu prietenie, bani şi dragoste. Au dat din cap mulţumiţi.

Am plecat cu ea în valiză pentru cală cu gândul să mi-o scot de-acolo la check-in(aveam o gentută în care nu-mi incăpea), şi am uitat-o. Vai!Voiam să mă duc să-mi cer valiza înapoi. Poate exagerez putin, doar mi-a trecut prin cap ideea şi-am lăsat-o balta, evident. Dar o voiam cu mine, asta-i clar. Ştii, ca şi cum esti într-o relaţie d-aia megapasională şi te desparţi prima oară de celălat să pleci nu ştiu unde departe şi te simţi cam incomod şi disparat..

Atunci mi s-a părut Poker foarte vie şi cumva sexy. S-a încăpăţânat să rămâna în valiză şi să mă facă s-o doresc şi mai mult, să vreau  s-o citesc atunci, acolo, imediat

La întoarcere am ţinut-o în mană şi nu i-am mai dat drumul. M-am oprit în faţa blocului, m-am aşezat pe valiză, mi-am luat o pizza şi-o bere de la colţ, şi nu m-am ridicat de-acolo până n-am terminat-o. M-a  cam lasat în aer finalul.

Pare neterminată în sensul ala că mai vrei. Mai vrei să vezi personajele conturându-se, vrei să afli dacă a câştigat Dragoş, cum s-a trezit Ada, cum a scos-o Tudor la cap cu Andreea, vrei să-i mai vezi  pe cei trei muşchetari în câteva experienţe de viată importante pentru ei şi tot aşa.

Are sau n-are relevanta,am descoperit o carte-imagine, o carte-film. Am văzut foarte clar  cum arăta puiul ala cu orez fără unt, cum pica puloverul verde al Andreei pe sânii ei mari şi mişto, basca rosşe a Adei gen Eva Green în The Dreamers, pumnii încasaţi de Bob in gang., cum i se scurgea sângele pe bărbie.

Cum se termină prima serie din film,  am vrut să mă apuc să mi-o  scot de pe torente pe-a doua, "sa-mi bag în vena" episoadele urmatoare. Ştii, creeaza genul ăla de dependenţă pe care-l creeaza serialele catchy care te pironesc în weekend în faţa monitorului şi timpul se dilată pâna luni dimineata când tre ' să pleci dimineaţă la serviciu şi te gandeşti că te-ntorci acasa  imediat dupa să vezi ce se mai întamplă-n serial. Iţi dă un sens pe termen scurt.

Am vrut să ştii in linii minimale care-a fost relatia mea "senzuala" cu cartea, pentru că da, cam aşa a fost. Poker m-a super mufat pe senzual mode, am vrut s-o dezbrac de tot, s-o adulmec şi în final, s-o simt, s-o devorez.

Deşi mi s-a părut  că n-ar fi carte bine scrisa, m-a sedus. M-a avut. Mi s-a parut foarte sexy. Şi Tudor e un personaj sexy. E un personaj care excită.

Ştii cum e cu persoanele sau personajele care te fascineaza-unele sunt foarte consistente şi poti să spui exact ce te-a prins, altele iţi scapa printre degete. 

 Tudor e o combinaţie care pe mine m-a prins şi m-a şi ţinut langă el. E şi nu e, iţi scapa printre degete pentru ca în momentul urmator  să devină vulnerabil, o arde şi macho pe alocuri da-l prinde bine, nu bravează decât cu scopuri clare, ai zice că-i golan da' e destul de finuţ, ba nu ştie ce vrea, ba e analitic, îi place s-o arda arty la cratiţă, are pasiuni, nu te plictiseşte. Are un flow interior coerent şi total ne-sacadat sau aliniat plictisitor. Vrei mai mult de la el, vrei să-l descoperi, devine intim foarte repede şi ţi se cuibareste undeva aproape. E moale şi cald chiar dacă nu-şi doreşte asta.

 Şi-apoi povestile despre poker. Un univers nou, nedescoperit. Lucruri de cautat, poveşti de aflat, reguli de înţeles. Am încercat să înţeleg mai multe, ca despre orice lucru nou de care n-am habar şi pe care incerc să-l inteleg.

La poker m-a interesat să vad ce fel de joc e şi ce calitati tre' să ai  ca să fii bun. Ca pe orice snoabă,  m-a incitat fix că nu stiam nimic despre universul ăla-nu stiam termeni, strategii, nimic. Tudor s-a mulat frumos peste treaba asta- jumate bad boy, jumate romantic, trecut cu probleme, ceva obsesii la activ, un domeniu necunoscut. Et voila, o combinatie sexy. E ceva lipit de creierul meu în gesturile pe care un jucator le face la masa, atitudinea aia de felină în asteptare, mişcări suple, autocontrol facial, strategie, concentrare, pasiune care ma poartă în zona erotismului.

 Cam asta a fost "experienţa cu Poker"-un fel de -first date şi cum mi s-a părut mie naşpa şi mai apoi  cum şi de ce m-a sedus, cum m-a făcut să-i "cedez"... Ţin la perspectiva  asta de...  carte experienţă şi e fain să vezi ce impact are fix în viata de zi cu zi a cuiva, cum apare şi ce produce, mai mult decat perspectiva unei experiente "livresti".

Şi, deşi nu te cunosc, uite, îţi  scriu să-ţi multumes. Mi-a dat destul de mult cartea ta, fără să-i fi cerut mai nimic. Să fiu sinceră, mi-am dorit să mă dezamăgească. şi-n final, vreau să ştii că Poker m-a sedus.

Cu drag,

Smaranda.

vineri, 22 iulie 2011

Dating rules

Dear all,


Long time, no see, a lot of things on the run.

Along 27 years I've heard lots of dating rules.

-Don't be trashy

-Don't have sex on the first date

-Don't talk abt former relationships too soon.

-Don't drink too much

-Don't talk more than he does.

- Don't do the first step

- Don't be too late/early

-Have your nails done, your hair beautiful, your skin purrfect.

-Don't ever challenge the man . Let him have the feeling he's in charge.

If you ask me, everything is massive shit!

I mean what the fuck!? We have rules for everything! Stay in the queue, respect your parents, be nice to your nrighbours, help your friends, say hi to people who say hi and so on,  sooo excuse me, please but I don't want any dating rules.

Maybe I'd never have a boyfriend again and that's ok but please, cultural patterns or not, social shit or anthropological  shitty rules, don't make me do that cuz I won't.

Where's being ourselves left out of this ecuation?

Are there any rules for that also?

Fuck it!

Pissed of,

Sma

duminică, 19 iunie 2011

First session

First session of psychotherapy. I'm pretty...nervous. Will I say anything about my incapacity of bonding?

duminică, 12 iunie 2011

Young at heart

After a long period of playing the solitary wolf I finally decided to try some socialising.

Last night, the old center of Bucharest was vibrant. Lots of beautiful faces. Overall, a fresh gleaming energy.

Since I gave up looking for Superman I no longer focus on trying to look amazing. Hell no! I'm natural and it feels damn comfortable!

I don't see women as competitors anymore and neither men as possible victims in my dirty experienced web.

Last night I enjoyed belgium beer, rusty rouge as my marvelous hair, a bunch of 5 spanish guys, singing on the street to a bride that had just been stolen, a bunch of feminist playing board games, the best home made red wine I had had in years, beautiful rain in the garden, perfumed roses caressing my foot.

I danced and I didn't care anymore about men around me, about their pick-up lines and sweaty horny bodies.

I  di met two adorable men tho. No, no, they were both gay. They're so fresh and young(18 and 20 years old!!). And very beautiful.  Met them separately and plan to invite them over a movie to match them. Yeah, I should start to work as a Gay Cupid, eh!?

My night ended with another bunch of high-school people, 16, 17 years old. We had a blast and the best compliment ever was their amazed face  when they heard I was 10 years older than them.

So yes, ladies and gentleman, I am young at heart and intend to keep myself that way!

marți, 7 iunie 2011

The art of not getting laid

Men believe in sex. Men believe they knowck a girl off if they fuck her well. To be honest, I was much more impressed by men whenever I didn't have sex with them.

Vladimir.

Slovakian, tall, dark, incredibly handsome, extremely juicy, very chivalerous, well-dresses, good taste in everywhing, well-travelled, great conversational skills, black eyes, beautiful hair, amazing ass.

Purrfection!?He has it!

When I first met him, he was surrounded by girls drooling on him so I figuered Id would be difficult.But it wasn't, actually. It wasn't any common pick-ing up man/woman flingy, it was more than that. I remember dancing, his good comforting smell, his sweater on my cold shoulders, his big hand covering mine.

Vlad was not only beautiful, fucking smart and well travelled but also a great movie&drinking company, a great cook help and a very well-behaved man. I remember he asked me for some soap to wash one of his beautiful shirts and I offered to help him with my washing machine. It was a long struggle to convince him it's no bother and when I finally did and waiting for him to hand me the shirt, he was desperately looking for my washing machine to drop it himself.
He looked me in the eyes and with a very serious face told me " I don't want you to touch my dirty shirt".

I went to the bathroom, slapped my face then started to laugh. For minutes

It was the one of the most beautiful lines a man has ever told me.

A man whose entire life battle started when a girl told him "Fuck you, you begger", because he didn't have money to buy her a beer in a pub. They were both 17.

Vladimir is now in Australia, he's working with wild horses, after a trip around the world, after turning his life upside down and  running away from a poor shelter to be a wealthy boy, working hard but being a hero in the end. At 25, a man who carries a whole life experience on his shoulders.

Tequilla, movies, dancing and  beautiful confessions, amazing books and the cutest, cleanest and most beaufitul insight of a backpack. They were all Vladmir. Sleeping on his chest, in his arms and mostly feeling his boner in the morning  and not only were juicy stuff that got me so happy but also sooo frustrated in the end.

Cuz you see, me and Vlad never had sex.

Nevah!!

It was a first for me, something I never got and will never get.We both knew he had a little time. I'm guessing he was one of those one in a million man who didn't want to objectify a woman he likes by fucking then leaving her.And I just could not make any first step, I was too respectfull myself.

For this, he has my eternal respect and a special place in my heroes list.

Vladimir,  I must say, thank you for not fucking me! You were so gorgeous I could have never had the strenght to say no to you and who knows, maybe you'd had been horrible in bed and ruined your overall perfection! Well, at least I'm honest!

Or just trying to accept I was so stupid to miss such a cutie pie!?!

Sigh.

marți, 31 mai 2011

THE DEATH OF A SUPERHERO

Omg indeed!

My brain was quickly searching for salvation, fast methods to vanish from a date!! But no, it was tooooo late! Waaay too late...

OK, soo, Superman was....let's just say ...wasn't  superman AT ALL!

I wanted to punch him, really !How can one use the name of  such a superhero...for...for...a dwarf?!

MY Superman was 1, 60, 50 kilos,  a combination of 3 hairs and the rest of the head... I haven't decided if he was going bald or just burnt his hair last night and his  face was full of... moisty teenager dots. His clothes...welll..puuh-leeze, let's not get there-I remember some ripped off jeans which had nothing to do with a classic shirt and a lot of oil on his face. I could feel his natural oil when he kissed me!!

Yes he did, I don't know how, I was just too stunned, trying to adjust to the feeling of being deceived ...and especially the reality in front of me when he jumped at me and kissed ... my chick,  for Fuck's sake!

Anyway, Superman was waiting for me with white wine and  fancy glasses and... a stupid face which was only moving its lips to ask me shit such as-whatareyourhobbieswhatdoyoudoforlivingwhyareyousingle.My favourite trio. The most disgusting 3 clichees someone can ask you on a first date.
Oh no, there's also: Doyouspitorswallow clichee also but that's just for drunken first dates.

Ok, Superman was 19. Yes, 19. I actually think he was 16, but nevermind.


I excused myself to the ladies and called 911.

911 is my emergency friend."Pleeease, Paul, please, call me, say smth , like you need me, it;s urgent, make me believe you and act accordingly, you're at the hospital, you need some... blood from me, SOMETHING!"

That costed me a dinner out. And icecreams.  And a movie after. And pancakes next morning for Paul. But I it was fuckign worth it!

When Superman wanted to kiss me goodbye I said No!

I'm lying , I actually just turned my back and ran. He kept sms-ing  me and one night I was kind of tipsy and with such a beautiful boy beside me  that i took some guts and  wrote him back "I just got married".

I haven't heard from him since and I hate him for ruining my Superman fantasy.

Now, I don't get it- how can such a surrealist written communication to be just a soap bubble in the air?!?

How much can I project on the others?

When will I learn?

And where the fuck is MY  Superman?!

duminică, 29 mai 2011

Superman (II)

Couple of days later I had that horrible date I told you about-the weirdo nanochemist who turned out to be such yuckie. I came home , got naked-drunk on my own ( cute, eh?) and called Superman. In the middle of the night. Actually it wasn't THAT late, cuz Mr. Prince Chemist Charming NOT sent me home at 9 after he drank all my wine, but nevermiiiind, I called Supie! And woke him up! Yay! The time of revenge has come!

Well , what I did was that I wine-d and whined with Superman about my horrible date in details while he made fun of me *rolling eyes* till morning.

I was pretty tipsy (ahem) so took the next day off and did all the horrible shit I never do- make fries(I never eat fried stuff), drink coke( same) and watched The Young &The Restless on TV and wished I had a boyfriend!!?(I almost never wish that, not even when I date hot men). I knoooow!

Good thing I went to school in the evening all glossy&cutie pie, wearing strawberries shoes&lipgoss. Ain't that sweeet?No!

Right after my class finished,  AUCH! Superman strikes and calls me.WTF! What shall I do?! Answer?!Well, was was another day and more than that I was not drunk anymore so...fine : Hello cutie! I'm out, let's meet!Now!?!Yes, now!Fuck:to my classmates:how do I look?!You're cuuuute...damn!Ok, Superman time has come!

Superman was weird, he wanted to meet me in a restaurant not a bar, a place I never heard about.Restaurant?!

I took the challenge and got there.... I was too shy&reluctant so I made some phonecalls before stepping inside, then when I had no one else to call I pretended I spoke on the phone 'till he called me and the sound fucked up my ear.Hope no one saw that!

Aaaaanyway, I went inside and down on some stairs, the place looked nice actually, pretty sparkling and I my head was spinning with Superman's image, was he tall?was he slim as I like? was he dark?were his eyes blue or blackcurrant?did he had any beautysigns?how about his lips?how many books did he read?did he likeclassical movie directors?did he go to the theatre?why the fuck is he single?it means he's shitty!wait, i'm single too..am I..?!

Oh my god!....

joi, 26 mai 2011

Superman ( I )

I don't know about you but I've always been seduced by superheroes. My wildest fantasy is a supermen orgy.Or not. Anyway.

It was one of those boring office days when you feel your life is passing by and waves hello to you. Hello, then goodbye.

A click of mouse later I had en intresting e-mail :"Hey Catwoman, how good are your driving skills?Batman let me down in the monday mission(some kids wanna break into a bank, the usual) and I would be needing you. I know you've been dying to meet me flesh&bones for centuries anyway, that's your chance"(+phone number).

Ok. I said-damn he's good. He wrote it on e no-reply e-mail adress so the number was all I could use.

I gave it a rest, tried not to get fuzzy about any strike that seems a bit better than mediocre but I saved his number in my phone agenda. Just in case, you know, for those times you;re stuck in the bus, awfull traffic, no book with you, no one who answers your call.

And one night, in the metro train, I wrote him the first sms.He answered back. And so on. For months.

Me&Superman were relaxed, we did't write every day, we weren't talking about common topics, we never asked boring questions. It was always a surreleastic change of sms , about catwoman in Africa or Superman in Thailland. In our messages, we were 2 superheroes, flying in an instant wherever we wanted in the universe and saving the world. I loved this fantasy I could have at any sound of an sms sent or received. I wanted to keep it this way...

Till one night when, at 4 am in my sweetest dreams I got a message from Superman(yes, i wake up very easely and, read sms in my sleep and even answer them), but he never wrote me a message that late and I was pissed(Catwoman needs beauty sleep, right?). He  was drunk and wanted to meet me next day! No shit!

Wrote hgim back to fuck off and date Hannah Montana or smth. He will definitely pay for waking me up. Someday. Then, switched my phone off. I know drunk men, they cannot stop once they have an idea stuck in their beerbrains, d'oh!

Couple of days later...

joi, 19 mai 2011

My ass!

Exista promisiuni in orice. In rasaritul soarelui, in deschisul geamului, in zambetele necunoscutilor. Pana si-n samponul pe care-l folosesti. Multe sunt promisiuni mincinoase. Nu stiu de ce toate lucrurile si gesturile vor sa para mai speciale decat sunt de fapt. Si oamenii care le aduc spre mine, evident.

Va rog, nu mai vreau nicio promisiune. Nu mai vreau fara parabeni, fara lacrimi, cel mai bun vin, cele mai bune paste, cele mai calde brate. Nimic.

Va rog, lasati-ma sa va vad fix asa cum sunteti- stangaci, ciudati, toxici, dubiosi pentru ca eu ma arat exact asa cum sunt:ciudata, stangace, dubioasa, toxica. Mi s-a-ntamplat sa: ma-mbat de la prima intalnire, sa cad in nas prima oara cand am intrat in sala de clasa, sa vars vinul pe colega de camera la primul contact cu ea. Am avut urechile rosii de vopsea de par la primul interviu pentru job, am tras un part prima oara cand am facut sex c-un baiat. O catastrofa. dar stiti ceva, m-am cam saturat sa mimez ca sunt altceva. O dau in bara, da. Insa asta ma face vie si cu siguranta sunt lucruri foarte frumoase "la pachet", daca aveti rabdare. Asta sunt eu-si daca ma vreti bine, daca nu lasati-ma, va rog in pace. Cel putin eu nu promit lucruri mincinoase. Gratuit

Fara parabeni, fara lacrimi, cel mai bun vin, cele mai bune paste, cele mai calde brate, my ass!.

marți, 17 mai 2011

Sirop

Stiu ca trebuia sa scriu despre Superman, stiu ca trebuia s-o fac de-o saptamana dar am ales sa nu-mi mai pese. M-am saturat sa ma simt vinovata pentru orice nimic. Sunt un pachet de multe frustrari mici mici care mi se ingramadesc sub piele si la cea mai mica atingere pocnesc cuiva in fata.
De cele mai multe ori, mie.

Urasc ziua asta pentru urletele surde din multele ore care au umplut-o.

Mi-e dor de lucruri simple. Simple si absolut fara niciun sens sau explicatie sau istorie sau

Acum 2 nopti am vazut un film frumos c-un baiat frumos. Nimic erotic. Un om drag. Ne-am intins amandoi pe canapea dupa masa si ne-am molesit. Ne-am molesit in felul ala absolut dulce si comfortabil. Ne-am si invelit cu patura. Ma topeste intr-un mod inexplicabil gestul asta absolut banal de a ma inveli cu patura cand dorm cu cineva. Ca atunci cand eram mica si era Craciunul si tanti Popa facea toata ziua de miercuri cozonaci multi si umflati pe care-i lasa sa creasca-n ligheane. Pazeam primul cozonac ca pe-o comoara, imi scaparau ochii-n cuptor si cand in sfarsit il scotea, voiam sa opresc timpul in loc. Fix in momentul in care-l rupea in fasii si aburul si mirosul de cozonac fierbinte, framantat in lighean,  imi topea toate circuitele si ma faceau sa-mi dea lacrimile.

Baiatul s-a lipit de mine, si-a pus capul pe picioarele mele si si-a petrecut un brat peste ele, imbrtisandu-le.

Timpul s-a oprit in loc. .Gesturile alea simple si calde, filmul de pe perete si patura de peste noi. Am vrut sa se opreasca timpul in loc.

Macar putin

marți, 3 mai 2011

Blind date( I)

I'm a pathetic girl in need for affection, split up every day between  work and school, her kitchen, her books, her bed and her slippers with no humane capacity of keeping friends and too shy to pick up men in bars and no intention to whatsoever. I said it once and will keep on saying it- I suck and not bragging about it!

Anyway, though I'm trying not to meet men and I keep reducing pssibilities(men are bad, okeey?), sometimes I just can't help them falling on my head(not my bed), or more to say, my... inbox. There's no possibity of online dating that I haven't experienced so far. There's no nerdy freak I haven't  dated by now. Hopefully!

But this one was special. Let's call him S.

How did we meet? It was simply "destiny".

I booked some tickets for Prague and well, let's just say that I've been distracted and made a spelling mistake to my own email adress. I know.

Couple minutes after, this amazingly sexy, manly, kenny, softy, sensual, penetrating voice called me and I felt my knees softening and my blood runing faster through my veins. Prolly some progesteron rush.

My tickets were in his inbox. But! Coincidence or not, he had booked the very same day a ticket to the very same location. Ding! Plus, he had the same name as I did and similar surname to mine. It was too much not to explore this, right?!

So the emails started to flow between us as honey and milk must flow in heaven(I've heard) and he charmed my ego with sweet bullshit such "What we're living now, it's called The Butterfly Effect". I know, I'm a softy!
Being a sucker for weirdos, the movie itself and fighting with my high level of  progesteron I dated the guy.

I have a thing for not showing pictures previous the date ( I just think it's bad taste) and manage our way in googling ourselves to find out at least we're not dating some creatures of hell or the sort. So I googled him, he seemed ok.

The date day!
Finally glowing upon me! After wasting couple of  hours trying to show up as if I naturally look cute&cute&not too sexy, I went out. I tried to be 7 mins late-not 3, but not 10 either, to make sure I let him know I will be late(to build up some trust there, you know?).
I admit I called  a friend to sing me a weird song in the ear so I won't run away in front of the date bar door.

Stepping in..Oh god, I feel so embaressed-why am I doing this and where the hell is that twat?!

Fuck, no! Yeah hi, yeah it's me..ummm... sorry, I have to run to the toilet.Brb

Two phone touchscreen buttons after: -  Omg,  please save me! He's wearing pink! Who the hell wears pink on the first date??!Ok, ok, I'll be nice,yesss, i'm just nervous!

What can I say, I was to embaressed to leave after the first 5 mins.One reason or another, he  just couldn't look at me. I did try to get drunk and see "things" cuter than they were, I tried to see HIM cuter and less boring, I tried to get him drunk too, so he could let go his natural stiffness, to stop talking for 2 minutes about himself(freakin' self-centred pinky !) and to actually look at me(did I spent 2 hours to put on make-up in vain?!).

The guy was a postdoctorand in nanochemistry(whatever that means)-which I knew and found very hot on e-mails(how awfully wrong!), aiming for a Nobel (hahahahah) and constantly talking about membrane and air particles and nanomolecules, making sure that while doing so he's sipping my wine and smoking my cigarettes.

That night, he bought a drink, I bought 3 and a pack of ciggies. I had a drink and 2 ciggarettes, he had my other two drinks also that were on the table(without asking) and 18 ciggies(tasking for each of one). That, in 1, 5 hours, the time that took me to get enough courage to raise on my feet and tell him in the face he was a fucktard jerk, turned around and left, came back, took my coat, enjoyed his amazed monkey grimase, turned around again and left home.
And we happily split ever after. Need I say more?Butterfly effect my ass!

 On my way I stopped by a kiosk and bought a bottle of white wine that no one was gonna drink from besides me, got home, admired myself in the mirror(don't go there!) put on a vintage movie and half bottle of wine later I made courage and for the first time, I called Superman.

But that's another story....

sâmbătă, 30 aprilie 2011

Post-date depression (I)

I'm facing a depression after each date. Very similar to postdrog depression when all you wanna do is sleep. Alone! Then you remember you crave to be in some big arms that squeeze you and give you that horribly sweet sense of belonging that some weak bimboes such as myself need.

Anyway, I date. With my period's regular repetitivity. And I suck at it everytime. Well, they suck at me, to be more clear. It's like It's written in stars for me to meet all the weirdoes in town and since I'm dating foreigners, in the world! Some people like me just have it in their blood. They're "weigl" That means they have weirdoes-glue.

I'm a weigl,
The problem with weigls is that they never see it coming. Like with this guy from last night. Everything seemed soo cute&cool on email&sms, we were supposed to have a midnight picnic in the park with bubble wiiine and muffins (don't laugh)!, but it ended up raining and he ended up inviting himself at my place. Excuse me!?

Need I to mention it was a first&blind date?. Aaaanyway

I got pissed and told him he's not gonna get laid tonight so bye. He kept insisting that I took it in the wrong way (no shit!?) and managed to make me feel guilty and stereotypical judgemental and being a weigl I decided to give him another chance and see him afterall in a bar near my place cuz I felt too lazy&unmotivated to go downtown.
Here's the funny part now
The guy could not stand smoky places sooo he insisted that I'd buy him aye-drops so he's join me at the bar. Excuse mee?!?(again)

I thought that was a bad joke but, actually it wasn't. So now i was really pissed. I didn't get it- after a week of emails and sms where I thought I discovered this nice&cute&smarty&sensitive&whatever guy I got this horrible monkey desperate to have sex and asking me to buy him eyes-drops so he'd do me the favouir and have a drink with me in a bar?Ha! Nevah!

So I told him fuck to fuck off!Big time!
.

Oh my!

Stay tunned for the next episode on Weigle TV!

luni, 25 aprilie 2011

Cetatea Carului, un loc to die for

Sunt atee. Nu, nici macar agnostica. Insa oamenii dragi din jurul meu sunt mai mult sau mai putin ortodocsi, mai mult sau mai putin "cu frica lui D-zeu", whatever that means :)

Ideea e ca, Pastele nu-ti forteaza mana cum o face Craciunul, sa cumperi cadouri. Macar atat! Si pentru ca le respect lor nevoie de religie si traditii religioase si pentru ca niste oameni draguti din familia mea au fost mai mult decat generosi, am fost de "Paste" aici :
http://www.cetatea-carului.ro/galerie-foto/

Well, a fost minunat. N-am mancat miel, n-am fost la biserica, n-am zis Hristos a Inviat(pentru ca nu cred c-a inviat niciun Hristos ever), in schimb e al dracului de greu sa ocolesti mirificul "Adevarat a-nviat". Unora le zic ca n-a inviat, pe altii ii evit. La birou e mai greu. Si Romania e stat laic, cica. No shit!

Anyway, despre dezbaterile religioase si slujbele tari in microfon noaptea cand dorm "paganii", alta data.

Voiam sa va povestesc putin despre Cetatea Carului, ca despre un loc unde chiar merita sa fii macar o data-n viata, macar cateva zile. E frumos, e linistit, e proaspat, e fluid, e ludic, e bucolic,rupt din alta realitate. O poveste.
Sunt foarte critica de fel, mi-a fost insa imposibil sa reprosez ceva cuibului asta  cald, plin de energie buna. De la imaculatul cearsafurilor, la papa bun bun cu produse proaspete si naturale, la oamenii blajini si foarte amabili care te fac sa te simti o prietena a casei.

Si privelistea! Pajisti cat vezi cu ochii, dealuri si poteci , puzzle-uri de forme geometrice pe care mintea ta le rezolva in fel si chip, creste de Bucegi si Piatra Craiului pudrate cu zahar, aerul racoros care-ti trezeste dorinte de tot felul.

Si curcanul. Curcanul lui Nicu care si-a mintit curca si caruia i-a crescut motul maare mare.

Si Nicu care face foc frumos.

Dulceturile de gutui si cirese amare facute de doamnele din bucatarie, o aventura spectaculoasa pentru orice papila  gustativa. Si clatitele pufoase. Si placintele to die for!

Si ciulamaua cu ciuperci. Si semineul de care nu se mai desprindea Tudor si tabloul cu pisica facut de David,  manual,  din nu stiu ce servetel.

Fata  frumoasa si prietenoasa  in rochie bavareza care ne aducea ceapa si usturoi verde.

Baiatul timid, usor fastacit  in "fusta", cum i-a zis tata.

Oameni clazi si frumosi.


Soarele de dimineata care te mangaia in somn si te ruga frumos frumos sa te ridici din pat, sa deschizi balconul, sa te minunezi si sa te bucuri.

The lovely <3

Multumiri dragilor ca m-ati dus intr-un loc asa cald.

Multumiri oamenilor care fac din locul ala un cocon pufos in care sa vii sa visezi, sa respiri, sa inveti sa fii bun si  delicat si frumos!

joi, 21 aprilie 2011

"Eu le recunosc drepturile, insa sa si le tina in spatiul intim nu in spatiul public"

Nu stiu daca sunteti la curent cu discutiile din mediul online din ultima vreme.

Este vorba despre controversatele panouri ce apara drepturile persoanelor gay. Panoul este destul de controversat- acela cu bebelusul cu mesajul : Homosexualitatea nu este o boala si nici o alegere".

Afisul se vede clar aici :http://www.dannegru.com/?p=3122

(a se citi si comentariile de sub post)

Avem aici wallul vicepresedintelui Comisia pentru Drepturile Omului din Camera Deputatilor



care spune:

“Eu le recunosc drepturile, insa sa si le tina in spatiul intim nu in spatiul public, in centrul Timisoarei”- vicepresedinte Comisia pentru Drepturile Omului din Camera Deputatilor

"Jur sa apar democratia, drepturile si libertatile fundamentale ale cetatenilor" (cam asta scrie negru pe alb in juramantul depus de domnul Dugulescu) 
http://www.dreptonline.ro/legislatie/statutul_deputatilor_senatorilor.php


In fine, ideea este ca s-a comentat mult  pe wall-ul dansului, acesta  ales sa inlature  inlatura panoul, sub presiunile celor de la ProVita, a bisericii ortodoxe,  si a altor ONG-uri ce apara viata si drepturile copilului, sustinand ca apara drepturile copilului si ca este imoral sa atasezi eticheta de "homosexual" unui bebelus.

Wallul este plin de crestini practicanti( fundamentalisti) cu vadite atitudini homofobe si chiar cu pulsiuni evidente de hatespeech.



Opinia mea personala este una holista - consider ca problema este delicata si trebuie privita din mai multe unghiuri, astfel incat anumite drepturi sa fie aparate, fara a leza altele. 




de pe wallul de FB al d'lui Dugulescu:

Smaranda Voicu 
Personal, ii inteleg pozitia lui Cristian Branea(nota- acesta isi exprimase opinia inaitnea mea) si il sustin si in argumentarea facuta referitoare la diferenta intre sexul biologic si constructul cultural de gen, adesea confundate. Pornind de aici, se argumenteaza ca, de fapt, scopul acelui panou a fost de a mari constientizarea publica asupra faptului ca homosexualitatea autentica. nu este nici o alegere si cu atat mai putin o anomalie. Insa, revin si precizez ca, lucrurile trebuie contextualizate.Romania este o tara inca sugrumata de cutume, o tara in care multi dintre cetatenii platitori de taxe si impozite se erijeaza in crestini practicanti cu labeluri de moralitate. Pe langa acest fapt, si contextual vorbind, sunt convinsa ca este inca dezbatut aspectul homosexualitatii ca alegere.Daca am reusi sa trecem peste homofobie si peste faptul ca un bebelus potential gay e ceva pervers si de neconceput, n-am mai avea discutia asta. Insa, contextual, mi-e teama ca e putin probabil. De aceea, imaginea aleasa este vazuta ca fiind socata. Eu, contextual, pot intelege asta si ma pot astepta la asta de la Noua Dreapta si de la cetatenii mai mult sau mai putin educati, insa mai putin de la reprezentanti ai ideei de democratie.Revenind iarasi si contextualizand, consider ca genul acesta de campanii de awarness si de stimulare a tolerantei la nivel public trebuie facute treptat, cu pasi delicati, progresiv, pentru a nu permite un bumerang al ideei sustinute si, trebuie avut in vedere si eventualele lezari pe care cetatenii mai putin toleranti, religiosi si platitori de taxe si impozite le-ar putea manifesta. That's just my 2 cents :)


Nu consider insa ca un presedinte al comisiei pentru apararea drepturilor omului este legitimat sa incurajeze hatespeechuri si comentarii homofobe si nici ca are dreptul sa inlature acel panou. Acesta vine insa si sutine ca , de fapt, panoul nu avea autorizatia de amplasare. Se poate proba acest fapt?

Vin si va-ntreb, in ce fel cadem in aceste conditii sub incidenta legii?

Inc e fel, ca cetateni ai unui stat democratic, putem sa amendam acest display public de homofobie si hatespeech?

In ce masura putem propune o petitie prin care sa ne manifestam dezaprobarea fata de acest comportament public al unui asa-zis aparator al drepturilor omului?

In ce fel intram in conflict cu "drepturile" crestinilor si cu cele ale copilului?( Legea 272/2004 referitoare la Protectia Copilului?)

De remarcat, ca activistii pro-gay au pe wallul domului Dugulescu un limbaj decent, respectuos si argumentativ , pe cand celalata tabara are un limbaj plin de injurii "va desfiintam", "sa dispara afisul si din iasi" sau  " Credeti ca Drepturile Omului ar trebui sa se refere si la drepturile a milioane de oameni deranjati de o campanie murdara si ilegala care afiseaza astfel de mesaje vulgare si ilegale? Credeti ca acest Consiliu National de Combatere a Discriminarii ar trebui sa se sesizeze atunci cand sunt discriminati toti bebelusii din lume care sunt etichetati drept "homosexuali"

Intreb toate astea pentru ca, desi, vad situatia delicata si legitimizand free-speech-ul, consider ca opiniile in dezacord ar fi trebuit formulate mai delicat, mai putin brutal, fara afronturi fata de comunitatea gay si fara a li se fi adus injuriile de "prozelitism", intrucat consider ca vorbim de awarness aici. Consider ca inlaturarea panoului, daca acesta a fost legal amplasat constituie o violare a democratiei si ca, un presedinte al unei comisii pentru apararea drepturilor omului nu trebuie sa apere unele drepturi in detrimentul altora, doar pentru ca acei altii constituie o minoritate care reprezinta un procent de electorat mai mic decat cel al crestinilor ortodocsi sau al parintilor  cu viziuni si educatie traditionaliste.

miercuri, 20 aprilie 2011

Making a point on porn

Aseara am fost la  Make a Point sa vorbim despre pornografie.

http://vinereadefilm.blogspot.com/

A fost o nebunie.

Au venit mai multi oameni decat m-as fi asteptat. de fapt nu stiu exact la ce trebuia sa ma astept intrucat ratasem prima intalnire publica a Materatului de Politici, Gen si Minoritati(MPGM) & Make a Point.

Or sa fie si ceva poze, o sa le vedeti.

All in all sa punctam niste lururi.



Ce mi-a placut :

-c-a venit multa lume

-c-a venit multa lume care n-avea neaparat treaba cu stiintele sociale

-c-au venit Florin Flueras(sunt fan!) si Dl. Gabriel Andreescu si cateva reprezentante "de seama" de la Filia (Andreea&Alice)

-cizmele si prajiturile Oanei Zamfirache

-freza Monei

- cd-ul cu foto vintage porn austriac pe care n-am mai apucat sa le vedem.

- ca opiniile tuturor erau foarte diverse

- ca multi aveau lucruri de spus/dezbatut/combatut/argumentat

-colegii mei de la MPGM care au fost foarte blanzi si delicati de data asta (ei fiind foarte combativi si
argumentativi de fel), acordandu-le mai mult spatiu invitatilor din afara masteratului.

-ca am avut si ceva argumente teoretice astfel incat sa stie toata lumea cat de cat in ce ne "scaldam", desi asta a creat tot felul de reactii  ulterioare

-sustinerea Almei  Cazacu de la Make a Point pe tot parcursul procesului (Mumtumiri, Alma!)

-c-a ajuns si Babenco (Babi) la un moment dat, ocazie cu care mi-a aplicat si-un first hug ( un miracol, avand in vedere ca noi doi ne scoatem ochii cat de des apucam)

- cuvintele frumoase de dupa ale catorva dintre participantii

-dezbaterile "post-dezbatere" in pas domol, pana la/  in taxi


Ce nu mi-a placut :

-faptul c-am avut ceva probleme tehnice si-am intarziat

-faptul ca n-au mai putut ajunge Oana Baluta, Tudorina Mihai, Alexandru Matei

-faptul c-a trebuit sa moderez, ceea ce m-a transformat intr-un strigator de nume, in loc de participator la discutie

-faptul ca eram presata de unul sau altul sa le dau cuvantul, trebuind astfel sa tai microfonul altora. Taugh job!(cel putin pentru mine)

-tonul si energia agresiva care au insotit marea parte a discutiei

-discutiile generalizatoare gen"femeile se simt obiectificate" si nu "unele femei", barbatii nu se simt obiectficati in loc de "unii barbati" etc.

-intoleranta unora cu privire la argumentele altora

-nevoia de a avea dreptate a unora dintre noi

-judecatile de valoare care au circulat mai mult sau mai putin voalat

-ca s-a confudat sexul cu sexualitatea

- ca s-a acceptat de multa lume ipoteza ca pornografie n-are lagatura cu sexualitatea. really?

-ca multi oameni au considerat ca indivizii nu au dreptul la o intimitate sexuala solitara

-ca s-a eludat complet ideea de corp ca posiblitate si mediu de exprimare si sensibilitate insistandu-se pe anumite efecte negative posibile, ignorandu-se faptul ca efecte negative sunt incepand de la tutun si tigari pana la avort (pe care incercam totusi sa nu le interzicem, nu?)

-ideologismul impenetrabil al unora dintre noi

-faptul ca cei in minoritate cu valori si opinii diferite de ale majoritatii s-au simtit inhibati sa-si expuna opiniile si judecati apriori

-faptul ca intentiile Oanei Zamfirache in comunicare au fost interpretate gresit in sensul de  " opinii avizate"

-faptul ca  nici Dl. Andreescu si nici Cristina n-au vorbit deloc

- ca nu s-a vorbit depre primul amendament

-faptul ca unii oameni s-au enervat si-au iesit din sala

- ca s-au dat multi ochi peste cap cand s-a vorbit de argumente pro-sex si s-a zeflemit nejustificat

- ca barbatii au fost stigmatizati si femeile victimizate, ramanand astfel in same old clichee de la Dwarkin incoace, in loc sa rafinam argumentele contextualizand

-ca nu am auzit oameni curiosi si deschisi ci tineri  prematur imbatraniti  in ideologii

Mai sunt foarte foarte multe de vorbit despre pornografie. Pe bune. Foarte multe lucruri importante si interesante atat din punct de vedere politic, cat si psihologic, social si economic.

Poate ne mai vedem o data la un "informal beer porn talk" unde sa nu mai fie nevoie de niciun moderator, unde sa ne putem asculta frumos unii pe altii, accepta, inspira,  reinventa.

Thank you all for being there!

joi, 7 aprilie 2011

Part of the deal

Part of the deal is that I'd never lie to myself and neither to you. You may think it's piece of cake, but it's definitely not.
Part of the deal is that we shall mix different languages here:English, French, Spanish, Romanian. I just can't get enough with one :)
Just stopped  by to say hi and promise to be back soon with details.

Cum ar zice un prieten al meu, usor pitiponc,

xoxo