duminică, 19 iunie 2011

First session

First session of psychotherapy. I'm pretty...nervous. Will I say anything about my incapacity of bonding?

duminică, 12 iunie 2011

Young at heart

After a long period of playing the solitary wolf I finally decided to try some socialising.

Last night, the old center of Bucharest was vibrant. Lots of beautiful faces. Overall, a fresh gleaming energy.

Since I gave up looking for Superman I no longer focus on trying to look amazing. Hell no! I'm natural and it feels damn comfortable!

I don't see women as competitors anymore and neither men as possible victims in my dirty experienced web.

Last night I enjoyed belgium beer, rusty rouge as my marvelous hair, a bunch of 5 spanish guys, singing on the street to a bride that had just been stolen, a bunch of feminist playing board games, the best home made red wine I had had in years, beautiful rain in the garden, perfumed roses caressing my foot.

I danced and I didn't care anymore about men around me, about their pick-up lines and sweaty horny bodies.

I  di met two adorable men tho. No, no, they were both gay. They're so fresh and young(18 and 20 years old!!). And very beautiful.  Met them separately and plan to invite them over a movie to match them. Yeah, I should start to work as a Gay Cupid, eh!?

My night ended with another bunch of high-school people, 16, 17 years old. We had a blast and the best compliment ever was their amazed face  when they heard I was 10 years older than them.

So yes, ladies and gentleman, I am young at heart and intend to keep myself that way!

marți, 7 iunie 2011

The art of not getting laid

Men believe in sex. Men believe they knowck a girl off if they fuck her well. To be honest, I was much more impressed by men whenever I didn't have sex with them.

Vladimir.

Slovakian, tall, dark, incredibly handsome, extremely juicy, very chivalerous, well-dresses, good taste in everywhing, well-travelled, great conversational skills, black eyes, beautiful hair, amazing ass.

Purrfection!?He has it!

When I first met him, he was surrounded by girls drooling on him so I figuered Id would be difficult.But it wasn't, actually. It wasn't any common pick-ing up man/woman flingy, it was more than that. I remember dancing, his good comforting smell, his sweater on my cold shoulders, his big hand covering mine.

Vlad was not only beautiful, fucking smart and well travelled but also a great movie&drinking company, a great cook help and a very well-behaved man. I remember he asked me for some soap to wash one of his beautiful shirts and I offered to help him with my washing machine. It was a long struggle to convince him it's no bother and when I finally did and waiting for him to hand me the shirt, he was desperately looking for my washing machine to drop it himself.
He looked me in the eyes and with a very serious face told me " I don't want you to touch my dirty shirt".

I went to the bathroom, slapped my face then started to laugh. For minutes

It was the one of the most beautiful lines a man has ever told me.

A man whose entire life battle started when a girl told him "Fuck you, you begger", because he didn't have money to buy her a beer in a pub. They were both 17.

Vladimir is now in Australia, he's working with wild horses, after a trip around the world, after turning his life upside down and  running away from a poor shelter to be a wealthy boy, working hard but being a hero in the end. At 25, a man who carries a whole life experience on his shoulders.

Tequilla, movies, dancing and  beautiful confessions, amazing books and the cutest, cleanest and most beaufitul insight of a backpack. They were all Vladmir. Sleeping on his chest, in his arms and mostly feeling his boner in the morning  and not only were juicy stuff that got me so happy but also sooo frustrated in the end.

Cuz you see, me and Vlad never had sex.

Nevah!!

It was a first for me, something I never got and will never get.We both knew he had a little time. I'm guessing he was one of those one in a million man who didn't want to objectify a woman he likes by fucking then leaving her.And I just could not make any first step, I was too respectfull myself.

For this, he has my eternal respect and a special place in my heroes list.

Vladimir,  I must say, thank you for not fucking me! You were so gorgeous I could have never had the strenght to say no to you and who knows, maybe you'd had been horrible in bed and ruined your overall perfection! Well, at least I'm honest!

Or just trying to accept I was so stupid to miss such a cutie pie!?!

Sigh.