joi, 18 august 2011

A BIG GULP OF CONFUSsION

Here I am in one of those moments when you don't hear anything around you, you float and you suddenly realise you don't know shit about anything. You have no idea who you are, what's with all these things around you, why do you do gym, why do you keep diets, why do you date, what makes you not take a shot gun and kill everyone around you.

Ok, let's stop here.

As crawling my way to another country, eager for a change, eager to learn new things and have different experiences I realise I'm just a pussy who enjoys little things she does by herself in this space, this city, this country.

Something inside me is scared as shit and wants me to stay where I am, to enjoy my weekly goat milk, special oils, gym classes, the ice-cream in the corner heavily licked after 2 hours of gym on my way home, the red yummy melons down stairs and every little thing I did not notice before.

But oh how violently I will kill this voice, how I'll strangle it till it  dies inside me so I can reborn as this strong super-hero lady that I don't ever actually wanna be.

But what's really nice is that my view on men and relationships changes every day- one day I want a partnership, another day I feel I can do great without, depending on the chores to be done around the house:)

I forgot what's like to actually BE in a relationship, it became an alien thingy for me. They just don;t sell it on my planet or if they do, I can't afford it.


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