duminică, 26 august 2012

Long time in Hell

Some time passed. Too much if you ask me but life wanted me to geekly smash my head to my inside crawling walls so I said bring it in.

Dates?Not quite, if you don't count geeky stuff I've taken at times too seriously just because I am attracted by discovering the world and the people from distance, through the filters of my own mind, through my broken edgy projections, sickly.

I had some encounters but no one seemed to catch my attention but the past seems to hunt me down constantly- two important men from past show up just to confess how marked they are by the encounter we had some years ago(many).
 I was marked back then also but only by the way they vanished as jerks. I am listening to them now with the fascination of why would someone in owe for a person would go away as if thretened by death?

Some answers have been given  but it doesn't have anything to do with me but with their own fears and demons. Chapters closed, I am unable to go back and comfort them now. They have made their choices at those times, I made mine to accept it and move on.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about. A ghost from the present is pressing some buttons that sometime make me smirk but other time make me shut down and reset. Pretty fun to realize I still got some issues to let go.

Being single feels fresh again, this energy of being totally in commitment with your own self and enjoy your own moves, body, choices and all is making me float.

I realized how confused is everyone, the difference is that some don't care. Some guy told me that he's mostly fucking a girl, hanging out but not much, they are not fuckbuddies , maybe dating but not quite -a friend told me he's got a friend with benefits but tried not to make it seem like that so occasionally date but not really. What the fuck is that? It's simply hilarious. This fear of...labels freaks everyone out. Like the moment you put the label on, you're doomed so everyone tries to snick out and in on the lowest possible profile. I find it totally unprofitable-the guys might get a chunk of a pussy but do they for real? How enjoyable can a confused fuck be?How passionate can a confused pussy be? I guess it doesn't matter.

I personally like squeaky clean agreements. Give it to me, straight on my face-let's leave games and scenarios for the bedroom. I'm not a labels fan but I'm much less of a fan of the people who are scared of them, because afterall if your mind is truly free, no social or cultural label won't shape your intentions and behaviour towards someone -in the end.Unless you only care about smelling some pussy from time to time. A pretty good reason for most men, for sure!:)

It's true, sometimes things move slow, in their own way, in their own time, people don't know what they want, they are oscillating but even that can be firmly stated and made clear, no?

If there's something that completely turns me off that's confusion-control-freak or not, I can even let go all of my control if the person reaches out and firmly asks for it.
When will men who either romantically or sexually or both try to snick in,  get that if they state clear options based on their preferences doesn't mean being locked down in a prison while the ladyguardian of it slowly swallows....the key? :P

slackerbitch! yeah!


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