vineri, 22 februarie 2013

About my worst sex ever and disfunctionality

It's been a while. Back to Romania gender dynamic, different but somehow it feels more healthy. I had enough Islam.

I want to talk about something recently lived-that is the worst sexual partner I have  ever had. In a way, I am writing it for him. He is a dear friend and although I have tried to talk to him face to face about it, I was emotional and harsh so I guess now things are more clear.

As a bit of a background in our dynamic-we know each other for what he used to call- a whole learning cycle:)-that is more than 4 years and constantly teased each other and also kept somehow close, even when we were not together because of the distance. He's an outstanding guy, funny and smart, creative and highly fresh. A great company also, someone who makes me laugh all the time, which is a big +.

One time it happened. Although I smelt the issue on the spot, I gave it another try just to make sure we're relaxed and mature enough and in the best conditions of being in such an experience together.

I was not so surprised when the pattern happened again. I must admit that I've never had such a type of sex. And hope never to have again.I doubt he can be different with other women because somehow there are some impulses, gestures and tendencies that you either have or not. Such as, to touch, to feel, to smell, to enjoy the other's body..ermm...to be human- again, I dont expect performance but lack of humanity, this was something new even for me. I had what was called- a denigrating fuck. In the end I realized what i was- a blow-up doll:).

Don't get me wrong, I love role plays and consensual kinky stuff but this wasn't the case, there was no consensus about anything.

I won't give you the details what I can say is that there was something sick in it and I felt it very clearly. It was schizoid sex. Have you ever met or been with someone in an activity and  felt the other one was totally in his/her own bubble? Someone that sees nothing but their own intentions and drive? Someone that is completely not present, that is ego and result oriented?

If something kills my libido, that is a result oriented person in bed, doing every step just to get there and then leaving the scene as it ended, someone completely lacking sensuality and sometimes even consideration.

This guy had no instinct rather than mating. Procreational one and that's all. That is-finding a hole. So boring that it makes my skin bump.So inconsiderate for human nature that it took me back to Darwinism and the apes.

Actually, it scared me a lot. I have seen a person who sees a body as a plastic, I have seen a person I care  completely unable of human connection, completely self-absorbed and completely dysfunctional in this type of communication. It almost made me cry, it felt so so sad.

Someone who had no will to touch skin, to smell skin, to touch brests, to touch pussy, not even to the point of the eternal masculine and sexy approach that most partners take-that is to check how wet-translate"prepared" is their partner for them. Not even that, no spark of  drive. Just an urge.

It took me some time to shake off the feeling of being used, the feeling of -there's something wrong with my body- and all the negative by-products that come with being treated like a blow-up doll and the frighting idea that such men do exist out there and lots of women just tolerate such sexual behaviour on them.

I have asked him and he said no one complained. Now, I am one of that person who thinks that a good sexual report is based on the functional dynamic between the partners. True. Nevertheless, in this case, there was a clear sign that if he acted like that with me, someone I knew he appreciated/respected, how could he turn into a human- caressing, kissing and touching partner on a one night stand?

Unless some women love to be treated as plastic dolls. Unfortunately.

Life's tricky, sex is magic, drink water, eat apples:)