miercuri, 13 martie 2013

Dating Bucharest

I tend to think about cities as lovers. Some dull, some passionate, some rough, some kind and sweet, some dark and noisy, some sensual and refined.

Berlin was a woman lover- she loved me so tenderly, she kissed me all over, she made me swear I'd go back to her. I left her behind, I lied to her, I am so so ashamed about it, I will rotten in hell!

Two years ago when I left Bucharest, I was disgusted with it- my lover was so bored of me, constantly showing me misery and troubles, no tender gesture, no tulips in my way,  no chocolate on my pillow in the mornings. Nada.

I left him for another one, then another one, then another one. The last one was dark and gloomy, had authority issues, was toxic and he treated me like a whore. He slammed my head to the bricks of the street many times, he locked me up in the house, he shameless abused me, over and over.

I left him and I was so amazed to see my old and first love taking me back in his arms and showing me love again, like never before.

And yes, it happened, I fell in love with Bucharest again. With his streets, his people, his buses, his construction sites, his few bikes, his dark corners, his vitality, his dynamic, his dust and his tremendous beautiful energy spread around me which makes me feel loved, loved, loved and spoilt.

We're not official together yet, he's asking me to move in again but I want to take it slowly. So we're more like...dating now. I visit him sometimes, like a shy lover, go and explore him, laugh, enjoy his beautiful touches, I let him make love to me on and on and every time it feels like sweet heaven. He's  so cute and tender, I have to confess that sometimes, you know,  I feel embarrassed by all his attempts to impress me- flowers all over just for me, his friends smiling to me everywhere, he brings beautiful people in my way, he sends buses especially for me.

 It feels amazing but it creates this pressure that perhaps I'm not worth it, that I might disappoint him but I relax and all the fear drops away like an old worthless luggage.

I am in love,YES!  and it feels amazing. My lover shows me all the sweetness and fluffiness back, he's not afraid, he's open and sunny and relaxed and holds me beautifully rather than grasping at me.

I'm full, full of love <3

Un comentariu:

  1. Wow, Smara, now that's something! Love to read this post of yours, and I never want to know Istanbul as you've experienced "him", abusive and ruthless and mean. On the other hand, Bucharest was mean in an arrogant dismissive way with me, and still...
    I remember now that night in the summer of 2010 when I had my first couchsurfer over and hanged out with you, Pawan and Diana, going from one place to another, having drinks and having a laugh and a great time. Well, this I do miss. From this point of view, it's all gloomy and unfriendly and pressuring here. But we'll see how it grows.